Dear Santa,
I know it has been years since I wrote to you about anything short of a Big Wheel, an Easy-Bake oven, or a trip to Disneyworld, but I think we need to talk like adults concerning my proposal. You see I realize there were years I didn’t deserve to get anything because I was not on my best behavior. I cheated. I lied. I did things that hurt people close to me. For that, I deserve coal those years and I won’t argue with you for those moments.
Right now, I am more in line with doing what is right than before. I took stock of all the things I was taught about relationships, about sexuality, and about our society. Because of this, I think frankly — between us guys — I think we need to take a new look at your idea of “naughty”.
We humans have needs beyond childhood where we start to become older and begin to understand how the world works. Unfortunately, we are taught very little about our bodies, our functions, and our needs. Food and thirst are essential needs to meet, but we do have sexual needs and they are essential as well. So I’m asking you Santa…baby…why don’t you ditch the Naughty List once and for all.
I get that you have to have something to gauge whether a child deserves to receive gifts to highlight their year or not. If we can be honest, I think all of us deserve to be on the naughty list on some level or another. We all lie sometimes; we all cheat; we all steal. We all want to knock the bully in school that pisses us off and treats us like some damned…sorry Santa. But that’s what I mean! At any second we could turn on a dime and want to cause harm to others.
True evils of the world and crimes against humanity are worthy of a naughty list for sure. If you want to make a list regarding the patterns of men and women’s hearts then please continue.
Here’s my issue: I think we need to stop making healthy and fruitful sexual enjoyments wrong. Whether if a couple (or more) are straight or gay and want to enjoy sex for more than procreation, why treat such natural enjoyments as “evil”. There’s nothing sinister for wanting another human being for bodily and emotional connection.
You’re a smart man.
You have a wife.
You know not everybody’s relationships can be like what you and Mrs. Claus have had for…centuries.
You might not be gay, but the young kids who grow up gay, lesbian, transgendered, bisexual and so many other orientations these kids identify with are not evil or naughty. Why give them coal for being the most honest selves they can be?
Or how about people like me who identify as Ethically Non-Monogamous? Are we forever on your naughty list because our love and attractions for others is vast and doesn’t fit in the same spectrum as both you and Mrs. Claus?
How about those who are into BDSM? These men and women — Dominants and submissives — enjoy a whole host of interesting pleasures on a vast scale of play. Just because the toys are different doesn’t mean they lost their imaginative spirit. I have to believe you have a special place in the North Pole to address their wishes for new toys, harnesses, whips, and other things.
I could go on and on, sir, but the truth is we may not want board games, bikes, dolls, or other things children love to play with. But when the kids grow up, we still like to “play” and have fun. The difference is our toy chest can grow to be vast, our imagination pleasurable, and our playmates equally as playful as our childhood friends.
I think just because what we do in the bedroom or the chamber or the resort may not be the norm to society. It doesn’t mean it is evil, or cruel, or harmful. No, I think if you are not willing to part with the Naughty list can you at least reclassify what “naughty” means. Sex is not naughty.
If sex and relationships are used to harm the innocent and the unconsenting, then it is EVIL! Pure, simple evil! When unwanted advances, uncaring gestures, and just plain harassment are the goals of those adults harming others in a graphically sexual and abusive way, then not just coal Santa, but a long term “time out”. Also, those who put dollars ahead of the health and welfare of adults looking for a good time in the bedroom with other adults give them unbearable guilt and shame till they repent from their actions.
Look Santa, I don’t need to know how you and Mrs. Claus hook up during the other 364 days of the year. I know you’re busy getting the next Christmas set up. But I got to believe you can’t go into every home and expect little kids to greet you all the time.
There must be some deal between you and the Mrs. in case you encounter a very sexy person along your midnight journey around the world. I don’t know if you take your time with each person or if you magically make it work to squeeze in some fun while moving from place to place. Who knows, maybe Mrs. Claus is not just waiting for hubby overnight to get his delivery done. Maybe she’s off decking the halls in her special way. Whatever you do to keep the Chestnuts roasting and the fire blazing keep doing what you both do.
Santa, this year, stop classifying sex and relationships as “evil” or “naughty”. I’d like to see healthy, consenting, and enjoyable sex be fun no matter in or out of the bedroom. I’d like to see relationships of all kinds — monogamous or non-monogamous — treated as just a part of life and not an automatic coal dump. Many of these human beings who identify this way are decent, hard-working, and kind people throughout the year who just need their time to release and let off steam.
Sex is beautiful.
Sex is wonderful.
Sharing it with others is a joy as well.
Even being single and sexually active with others is a way of personal enjoyment.
After all these years of not writing, I hope you would consider my words and grant this wish. Being a sexually active person with various relationship styles shouldn’t be a mark against someone based on what one or more people deem as “evil” or “wrong”.
Anyway, Merry Christmas, Santa! Happy Holidays! And be safe on your journeys (which means always have a condom ready in case you find yourself rewarding a sexy woman who still sets our cookies and milk for you).
Peace.
Sincerely,
Sacred Ed
